What's with you and Pearl Jam?

PART ONE: The Genesis of “@PearlJamFamily,” 2012

As some of you know, I’ve seen more than a few Pearl Jam shows. About a year ago, a popular Pearl Jam fan blog site & podcast named Live on 4 Legs asked me to pen something for them about what it’s like to take kids on tour with the band. I was to talk about some of our experiences, and pass along some advice to other Dad’s who might be thinking of dragging their little ones to a concert or two. While we’ve kept it all anonymous up until this point, we still posted some of the key highlights on social media over the years via @PearlJamFamily on Instagram, and @Pearl_Jam_Fam on Twitter; it was no surprise that a few folks had noticed that we were having some wonderful experiences, both near and far.

I suspect Live on 4 Legs wanted 350-400 words, and in my effort to do my task justice, I wound up writing what amounts to a book chapter. Thousands of words. As such, I think it makes sense to publish it here, in seven parts, rather than edit it down to a single gulp. Now that the kids are old enough, I’m not concerned if the folks on Twitter or Instagram figure out who we are in real life — phew!

I apologize to every single subscriber who signed up for stuff about the economy, venture capital, politics, and so forth. This series is none of those things, and I won’t be hurt if only six of you wind up reading even one of these missives. Just delete the next few Substack posts from me; I promise to get back on track before the end of the upcoming Conservative convention in Quebec City.

The headline “What's with you and Pearl Jam?” is a question I was once asked, but I can’t now remember by whom; maybe these stories will answer their question.

PART ONE: The Genesis of “@PearlJamFamily,” 2012

“No way am I flying eight hours!”  With that one simple sentence, #PJBerlin 2012 was off the table, and I knew that I might be stretching things with my then 5-year old son.

With the announcement of Pearl Jam’s 2023 mini-tour, I made it a priority to take the Live On 4 Legs Team up on their offer of finalizing a blog about what it’s like to take kids on tour with Pearl Jam.  The impetus of this wonderful, ongoing family experience was the tragedy of colon cancer, which led to the early passing of my Mother in May 2011.

Not that any of us need a reminder that “Life is Short,” but in the months that followed her death, I resolved to find something truly fun to do.  Something that, in the event I ever wound up in a similar situation, my then-young kids (our daughter Molly was 6 at the time, while our son Emerson was 4) would hopefully have a few special imprints in their core memory banks that would survive long after I was gone.

Before PJ 20 was released at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) in September 2011, I’d seen the band live just two times at that point, and only in my hometown of Toronto.  Two things happened that TIFF weekend that put us on a trajectory to see Pearl Jam in 14 different countries (so far) in the years that followed: the first was an Artists for Peace and Justice fundraiser that Eddie Vedder attended as part of his film launch weekend, with the Sept. 11^th concert (Toronto 2011 night #1) likely being the key for all that has followed.

A backyard fundraiser in the Annex wouldn’t normally be a great environment to get a sense of someone’s “Id,” but when it comes to Ed, he telegraphs a conscious appreciation for the world around him that’s simply infectious.  Long-standing PJ fans understand what I’m talking about, and Ed’s combined aura of positivity and intentionality leaves you wanting more.  That said, the boundless energy generated by the crowd the following night during Neil Young’s unexpected, extended twirl onstage at the end of the first Toronto show of 2011 most certainly left me wanting to re-live some version of that experience the next time Pearl Jam came to town. 

Anyone’s town.

My advice to all of my fellow Dad’s (and Mom’s) is simple: it doesn’t have to be music, but after the better part of a decade “On Tour with Daddy’s Pearl Jam” as my kids refer to it, this experience has been all that I’d hoped it would be.  Your “thing” might be professional sports, fishing, impressionist art, live jazz, camping, WWII aircraft or surfing.  Whatever it is, carve out a few days each year and share that passion with your kids; you’ll find that it can be a thoughtful vehicle to expose them to as much of the world and society as you can.  I see it as a vehicle, not a destination. 

I’d argue that the Dad’s who leave their kids behind to spend a weekend doing what they love are making three mistakes: first, you’ll have plenty of time for a “guy’s weekend in Cooperstown” as an empty-nester (which is coming far sooner than you think).  Second, if planned properly, you’ll be teaching your kids about facets of life, people and the world around them that they will otherwise be unlikely to experience.  And, third, by sharing one of your pleasures with your children, there’s a good chance that you’ll create a deeper connection between the two of you as a result.

So, back to the early part of 2012.  When the European Tour was announced, I noticed that there were back-to-back shows planned for Berlin that July.  I’d never been to that historic city, and figured it would a fun way to start the “Pearl Jam Family Tour.”  A short, there-and-back itinerary seemed like the right way to begin this new family odyssey.  My daughter, then seven, wasn’t keen, but my then-five year old son Emerson said “yes” on the spot; in hindsight, I suspect he didn’t give it much thought.  Plane reservations were made, a hotel was booked, with nothing more than a hazy plan for concert tickets (which I wouldn’t do now).

A few weeks later, I asked my son at breakfast if he was getting excited about our trip.  That’s when he wisely asked about the flight.  Now, you can’t actually get to Berlin directly from Toronto, but that seemed like an unnecessary detail when I told him that Toronto to Germany (ie. Frankfurt) was going to take “eight hours.”  But “the good news,” I assured him, was that “we’d be sleeping for most of it.”  (Pro Tip: try to avoid travelling long distances on the day of a concert if you want your child to have even a chance of making it through the entire show.)        

That’s when I got the “no way am I flying eight hours!” retort.  There’s a phrase in the brokerage world that goes something like: “Know Your Client.”  In this case, I figured the “Pearl Jam Family Tour” wasn’t going to get off on the right foot if my young folks weren’t yet fully willing; this wasn’t meant to be like piano lessons…something that you have to do as a child, whether you like it or not.  Lucky for me, my then-69 year old Father valiantly stepped in, enjoying the first of the two Berlin shows. 

His post-show reaction was succinct: “I’ve been to a lot of concerts (The Stones, Ronnie Hawkins, Queen, McCartney…), but none where the fans knew the words to every song.”  It wouldn’t be too long before would be his own Grandkids singing along to Smile and Daughter, too. 

While we were in the beer line at Berlin’s O2 Arena, we came across a family of six, sporting white t-shirts announcing that they were “The Travelling Poles.”  There’s little doubt that they had a camper van in a nearby parking lot, and it looked as though this show was just one of many for them that summer.  As if it were only yesterday, I can picture one of their four kids crawling around on the hall floor in a baby onesie.  If God’s given you the blessing of four kids, you play the hand that you’re dealt.  But, taking four kids under the age of five years on a multi-week concert tour?  It didn’t look like a lot of fun to me.  (Pro Tip: while every kid is different, I wouldn’t try this until the youngest of your kids is the age of five or six.)

Berlin’s “Museum Island” should definitely be at the core of any quick trip, along with the Holocaust Memorial and walking along what’s left of the Berlin Wall.

During the first Berlin show, Ed spoke about the Ramones Museum in East Berlin and congratulated the proprietors on the vast collection of memorabilia they’d assembled; he admitted to spending “hours” there earlier that day.  My Dad and I took Ed’s advice and headed out there the following day.  Sure enough, we bumped into Matt Cameron, and his then 13-year old son Ray (who played guitar on Rockin’ In The Free World the previous night), doing the same thing. 

This was the first of many random interactions with members of Pearl Jam over the years: the thing about going on the road “with” the band is that they’re invariably going to be like the rest of us: take in these beautiful cities as tourists.  And, as is often the case on the summer European tours at least, with their kids.   

MRM ©

(this post, like all blogs, is an Opinion Piece)